The Collar…
Thank you for all of your sweet emails, calls, Facebook messages, personal words, and comments here. The situation in my family may never change until we reach heaven, but it WILL change there. My love and respect for my father will never fade away. It was he who taught me to question everything, refuse to teach traditions as if they were the commandments of God, and to use my mind. I taught myself to read by the age of 4 by reading encyclopedias and haven’t stopped questioning, learning, and thinking since. I have gotten a tremendous amount of things wrong in my life and doctrine but I have found it is easier to sift through facts and fiction and find truth when you know you are covered by the grace of God.
I will post another question and answer soon — maybe even today — but I wanted to post this first. George Herbert was a Welsh poet and Anglican priest back in the early 1600s. I know little of his life but this — he often struggled with his ministry. He, like Moses, got fed up with difficult congregations, dysfunctional leadership, and the other daily struggles of the local minister. At one time, he decided he was done with it all. Who needs that kind of aggravation and pain? I have often thought of him over the years when I got within a few minutes of writing a resignation letter, stopping my writing and speaking, and withdrawing into teaching science or writing fiction. You have no idea how often I have considered that! (a sign of my weakness and lack of character, I am sure) But then I remember Herbert’s poem, The Collar, where he writes of being in that exact same position. And his thoughts parallel my own so closely that it is almost scary. When I wrestle with God — and unlike Jacob I have to wrestle Him not once but frequently — He rarely gives me an epiphany or a hunk of information that settles my soul. He merely calls me. And I have to respond.
Read and ponder. I’ll be back very soon.
The Collar.
| I Struck the board, and cry’d, No more.
I will abroad. What? shall I ever sigh and pine? My lines and life are free; free as the rode, Loose as the winde, as large as store. Shall I be still in suit? Have I no harvest but a thorn To let me bloud, and not restore What I have lost with cordiall fruit? Sure there was wine Before my sighs did drie it: there was corn Before my tears did drown it. Is the yeare onely lost to me? Have I no bayes to crown it? No flowers, no garlands gay? all blasted? All wasted? Not so, my heart: but there is fruit, And thou hast hands. Recover all thy sigh-blown age On double pleasures: leave thy cold dispute Of what is fit, and not. Forsake thy cage, Thy rope of sands,1 Which pettie thoughts have made, and made to thee Good cable, to enforce and draw, And be thy law, While thou didst wink and wouldst not see. Away; take heed: I will abroad. Call in thy deaths head there: tie up thy fears. He that forbears To suit and serve his need, Deserves his load. But as I rav’d and grew more fierce and wilde At every word, Me thoughts I heard one calling, Childe: And I reply’d, My Lord. |
March 8th, 2013 at 4:20 pm
Isn’t it amazing how the centuries pass but the calling and the burden remain the same? Praise the One who bore it first for us.
March 8th, 2013 at 4:23 pm
Beautiful. Thank you for sharing your heart. We love you and continue to pray for you and your sweet family.
March 8th, 2013 at 4:52 pm
And all those years I thought the other guys had the best churches and I was the unfortunate one!
March 8th, 2013 at 5:00 pm
Like. Amazingly, ministry isn’t the only field where one is desperately needed…yet, one wants to throw in the towel. I am grateful to you for not doing so. I hope and pray, that the people I serve are happy I didn’t just quit either. In the end, it is only by the grace of God I can manage to get out of bed in the morning……..
March 8th, 2013 at 5:08 pm
thank you for continuing ,,
March 8th, 2013 at 6:20 pm
Wow.
March 8th, 2013 at 7:06 pm
I loved the last four lines.
On a lighter note I feel much better about my spelling skills…sheesh, didn’t they teach people how to spell back in the 1600′s. That maid it really hard to reede!
March 9th, 2013 at 12:31 am
Dearest Patrick -
I dare not compare my plight to yours, except perhaps, in that my older son has forsaken his entire parentage, siblings, grandmother, and so on, as your own father has been betrayed into thinking ill of you. It has now been near 3 1/2 years without a word, deed or effort to let me have any kind of relationship with his four young children, his oldest daughter, nearly 25, having been cast out on her own, but with a little five year old daughter, at peace and doing well.
She – my oldest grandchild, has a little 5 year old daughter of her own – yet Tom & I have not yet had the opportunity to visit with them in Maryland, near Baltimore, far, far away from south Mississippi, I regret for the sake for her child, we SO long to meet.
I am SO glad you are back here, and hope you will soon be back to your “other,” and first blog with a new series. Tom & I pray you & Kami will be well have long service in His kingdom. However your lives shall go, we will stand with you in all things!
Dee
March 9th, 2013 at 12:44 am
“I have often thought of him over the years when I got within a few minutes of writing a resignation letter, stopping my writing and speaking, and withdrawing…”
A small part of me is a little bit afraid that one day I’m gonna try to come to this site, and it’s going to suddenly not be here anymore, without any warning at all, and (currrently) 8 years worth of Tentpegs will just be gone… :/
However…it’s still here right now, and you’re still writing and answering questions, so I’m thankful for that.
Praying that you continue to answer His call and follow His lead, for He alone knows how many people you’re able to reach and to bless by doing so.
March 11th, 2013 at 3:36 pm
Oh Patrick! Our tears run and our hearts ache with yours. Our feelings of “oh, sod it all” appear all to frequently, well mine anyway! I dare not slander any other of my brethren who love him so, indeed it is also a sign of my weakness and lack of integrity or character. I just read John Mark Hicks post on a J.D. Tant article reflecting on the first 50 years of the Firm Foundation publication and the struggle against “sect baptism” among other things. Reading about what this fellow went through(Almost Pauline in the catalogue of suffering cf 2Co.11:23 ff) made me feel ashamed to complain! But God knows our hearts and our sorrow, and His heart breaks with ours in this time of anguish for the Mead family. For all who know and love you Patrick, and have benefitted by your tireless due diligence, your abundant love and generosity, your quick wit and incisive insights ; you have blessed more folks than you may ever be aware of, but we are here, and we are praying for you and rooting for His Victory in all things in your life and ours! To God be the Glory great things He hath done…and will continue to do for those who love Him and He whom our Father sent to be our Hope, our Song and our Salvation. May the peace of The Prince flood your soul my brother.