Empty Arms — question 151
My tentpegsquestion@yahoo.com mailbox sometimes presents me with a challenge that causes me to lose a little sleep before I can answer. This is one of those occasions. While I get a lot of questions that prick my heart, I can usually enter into some empathy with the questioner. In this case… pretending I know what this questioner feels like would be untrue and insulting.
There are many instances in Scripture, Old and New Testament, that refer to the idea of God closing or opening a womb to allow or disallow pregnancy. I am a Christian with an above-average quality marriage who serves God alongside her husband at a strong para-church ministry. We’ve been trying to conceive a child for 7+ years now and have been completely unsuccessful. I am not upset with God about this as I have seen His hand in many ways through the process, though have heartily mourned at times. My current Theology is struggling with harmonizing the loving God that tells us to “be fruitful and multiply” and the womb-closing God. Is this something you believe is still the case? I do understand that there is much more going on in this situation than a simple “well, God doesn’t want us to have a baby…”
I saw a young couple at our prayer time last night. They had come in over a year ago for a prayer of blessing by the elders. For those who don’t know — our elders have a prayer and blessing time every Wednesday night. People call the office and request a time with them so that they can receive intensive, focused prayer. This young couple is one of my favorites at Rochester. They are good looking, faithful, loving, and fun… but they were childless after years of trying. After the prayers, they decided to try some medical help in conceiving and were successful. They now have a wonderful little baby boy and the whole church rejoiced with them.
For others… there hasn’t been such a happy result. What is going on? And… what are we allowed to do about it?
Let me mark out my territory first: I am passionate about freedom in Christ. That means I do not look for arcane, hidden laws nor do I equate our conclusions about hints placed here and there in scripture with Doctrine. This puts me at odds with a great many of my friends when it comes to God’s laws on conception or contraception.
Is sexual activity between husband and wife only for the purposes of procreation? Sorry, but the Bible absolutely is silent on that. Yes, the Catholic Church and a great many others have woven a beautiful and complete tapestry that would say otherwise… but the Bible never says that sex is only for making babies.
Several couples in our congregation believe that you should “take any child that God gives you” and, therefore, refuse to practice any form of contraception including the rhythm method. These couple have, of course, quite a few children. They live what they say they believe. In fact, I can honestly say that these couples are about my favorite people. They are dedicated, smart, full of Jesus, and involved in ministry. Still, I disagree with them about this one issue. I think that God gave us a variety of sexual organs, chief among which is the brain. We are to use the brain as well as the other bits and pieces (what we Scots like to call “the wedding tackle”).
Of course, it’s not that simple. If you believe that life begins at fertilization, you can’t practice any form of contraception except for the rhythm method or abstinence. If you believe that life begins at implantation, you can use most forms of contraception but not all. If, however, you believe that sperm and eggs are there to be used, please consider that the brain is there to be used, too.
But I could be wrong. Dead wrong. I know that. I just strongly feel that where there is no law, there is no sin. If God was not plain about an issue, then it is not to be considered Doctrine For All Times.
But what about those who want a child but are unable to conceive? Are they being cursed — or ignored — by God? There are many instances in scripture where God used opening and closing of wombs as a way to bless or curse. The worst curse that could fall on a person was to be “cut off” or left without descendants. Hundreds of long books have been written about this and fleshing this concept out in one blog is impossible — so we will probably have a couple follow up blogs on this issue, ok?
God is absolutely sovereign and He can place a child inside anyone He wants to anytime He wants to. I think we all agree on that. However, is His decision NOT to place a child in a womb a curse upon that person? In some Old Testament stories… yes. Is His decision to place a child in a womb a conscious decision by God to bless that person? In some Old Testament stories… yes. So think how painful it is for a faithful, loving Christian man and woman to want a child so very much — so much that they physically ache to hold their own child — and yet not be given that child. There are no words for that kind of pain; a pain that is encircled by waves of confusion, anger, loss, and the deep, abiding fear that God has turned away His face.
Call me too picky, but when I read those Old Testament stories I see a different motif at work. I see God deciding to bless or curse these individuals and using the opening or closing of the womb as His method. However — and this is key — there is no need to assume that great fertility or absolute barrenness is, by itself, evidence of God’s verdict on a family. In some families in some situations, God used that way to bless people but in many, many other times and places He used security, food, joy, jobs, victory in battle, etc. as His way to show His approval. Sometimes He used a closed womb as a punishment but He most often used other forms of punishment. We have no right to assume that fertility or barrenness reveals a judgment of God on anyone, including ourselves.
In any other medical/physical quandary, we turn to outside help from experts. Are we allowed to go to fertility clinics to gain a child when we cannot conceive normally? Again, it depends upon when you think that life begins. In Jewish law — including that of the Old Testament — a fetus was considered a person when it moved in the womb. While life may begin at fertilization or implantation, when does personhood begin? To the Jews, it was, again, when the baby moved. That is why that the penalty for striking a pregnant woman so that the child in her died was not the same as for murder. Like it or not (and I know my in box will overflow from those who don’t like it), the Levitical law treated the fetus differently than it did a person.
If you are with me on this, then fertilizing several eggs in an attempt to get one of them to work is not a huge ethical issue. If you aren’t with me, then it is murder.
I am fiercely opposed to abortion for many reasons, but I do not have to consider a fertilized egg to be an ensouled person to consider killing an innocent living being wrong. The issue that medical ethicists and theologians are wrestling with is NOT when life occurs but when does ensoulment or personhood begin. That is an entirely different question and one that is not plainly answered in scripture; though the Jews who knew God best interpreted it as beginning later than do many American Christians today.
Because of my beliefs on this issue, I have no problem counseling couples to seek medical help to conceive. I also assure them that their difficulty in conceiving is not a sign of God’s disapproval; it is a sign that we live in a broken land with broken bodies. In the same way, I do not take my difficulty in breathing to be a sign that God doesn’t want me to breathe. I get medical help and adjust my life so that I can get what didn’t come to me naturally. Doing this is not frustrating the will of God but obeying it! It is part and parcel of gaining mastery over our physical universe — subduing the earth, if you will. (remember, there were sermons preached against the car because if God had wanted us to move that fast, He would have made us able to do so on our own…)
I assume there will be further questions, disagreements, and comments coming in. Let me know what I need to address and we’ll take it from there.
February 26th, 2009 at 7:31 pm
Patrick, I think there are other methods of contraception that prevent fertilization. Contraceptive barriers, including sponges, prevent fertilization, as do condoms. Birth control pills prevent ovulation, at least as I understand things. None of these are 100% effective, but nothing else is, either.
I’m going to disagree with you on another point, too. Well, kind of. It’s very easy to believe that OT law dealt with when the people of that time could know that a child was alive. We know more now. I don’t know of any reason to believe that ensoulment occurs any later than life does. Eggs and sperm are expendable. There are many extras. Not so with embryos.
That said, you are absolutely right when you say we have no right to assume barenness is a judgment from God. We do live in a broken world. In addition, we have an enemy who is doing his best to make us miserable because he knows that’s the only way he can strike at God.
Think about something you said: “We know more now.” God made the differing laws, not man. He is not wiser now than He was then.
February 27th, 2009 at 2:48 am
Exodus 21:
22 “If men struggle with each other and strike a woman with child so that she gives birth prematurely, yet there is no injury, he shall surely be fined as the woman’s husband may demand of him, and he shall pay as the judges decide. 23 But if there is any further injury, then you shall appoint as a penalty life for life, 24 eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, 25 burn for burn, wound for wound, bruise for bruise.”
I don’t see that scripture the same way you have interpreted it, but I will have to get my literal Bible out and look up the word “depart” to be sure of it. From my KJ translation, I read that set of scriptures to say, if a woman is struck and her child is born “fruit departs” early, and there is (no mischief) injury, then he will pay a fine as the judges determine, however, if there is (mischief) injury then depending on what that injury was…life for life, eye for eye, etc., will be his judgement.
My understanding of scriptures in considering all the other places about being blessed with a child is this that a life, their soul, their purpose, begins at conception. I don’t have great confidence that the Jews understood everything the way they should have and many of those laws were compromises on God’s will, for instance; having more than one wife.
It was God’s intent that one man and one woman be a family, but man insisted on not following that advice so that Moses was given various judgements to handle these and other situations where man made a decision NOT to do it God’s way. There were different judgements for different intents in a crime or accident; if the intent was to do purposed harm, it was judged more harshly.
I will study this more but as it stands now, I do not agree with you on that point.
February 27th, 2009 at 3:34 am
To clarify, my understanding is that when it speaks of “injury”, that injury, and “any further injury” refers to the child and/or the mother which makes sense as a child born prematurely might struggle to live or be disabled and a mother sent into premature labor might also have complications. I wonder if we have ancient writings of specific occurances of this and how this scripture was applied. I don’t necessarily trust later day thinking on this as men throughout history have a tendency to stretch the scriptures to fit what they want, such as in modern times in the harvesting of stem cells or abortion.
I lost two babies in early pregnancy, before I could have felt them move, but was able to watch them move on ultrasound. I had dreams before I could confirm I was pregnant that let me know they were there. I loved them, prayed for them, bonded with them, ached for them and many scriptures comforted me, as did His Spirit within me, that they are souls I will meet someday. I also had dreams before they died that they were going to die. I had these very different type of dreams with all my children. I’ve had other dreams that forewarn that can’t be written off as a chemical response as some would like to say these were; I’ve come to know the difference between a dream and a message dream.
God was with me from the very start of their lives before modern science can even determine, celebrating their lives, and then with two of them, warning, then comforting me in their loss. I see the scriptures treating babes in the womb from conception as living souls and my personal experience confirms the same.
February 27th, 2009 at 4:18 am
To give hope to the author of the question; we were married nine years before we conceived, and wanted children but didn’t really try hard to have one or not have one. We were blessed with six, two are waiting ahead for us and four with us… so far… we are now 47 and thinking God is done but who knows?
My parents wanted more children and tried to conceive, thought the answer was a “no” and adopted then conceived again with a baby born almost nine months to the day. We’ve had friends that tried and tried with help without success and then adopted and had the same thing happen unexpectedly and others who never conceived but felt very blessed with an adopted baby. God answers us and blesses in mysterious ways.
Ok, Patrick, I really do deserve to be told to keep it short, sorry…
BTW…John B. was taken off of dialysis, and the ventilator, and the blood pressure meds, his sugar is good, and his infection and fever are gone and he woke up and is trying to talk and eating ice chips! Praise GOD! Please contine praying, he may have surgery tomorrow to remove the gallbladder that probably caused the pancreatitus.
February 27th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
God sure is funny. Thank you, Patrick. I’m 24 and facing a hysterectomy in the very near future, which means, of course, no kids. I’ve spent a lot of time in the past few days thinking about barrenness and God and life and love and all that stuff, and to be honest, I just can’t see it as a curse, personally. But God has seen fit to put in my path this week instance after instance, display after display, conversation after conversation to help me think harder and prepare better. He has such perfect timing!
February 27th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
Patrick, I hope you will continue on this topic for at least one more question. What limits do you see for a couple trying to conceive and have a child? In vitro? Sperm donors? Surrogate?
As a couple with fertility problems we were told by an elder that Abraham/Sarah/Ishmael were God’s example of going around His will of infertility and turning to man’s solution. That added confusion to heartache. God has blessed and healed over the years, but the question remains in my mind.
Thanks for taking on this painful subject.
February 27th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
“the wedding tackle”
Wow … I won’t forget that :p
Great post, btw. I have some close friends who are struggling with this same thing.
February 28th, 2009 at 5:22 pm
As always, you gave me much about which to think. I’d never read that about the Jewish law considering a fetus a person upon movement. I’m not taking you to task or anything, nor am I suggesting you are wrong … but if that it the case, there are huge ramifications here! Thanks again for this series of Q&As.
February 28th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
Still looking at the text and the comparison of the different translations to the Hebrew and haven’t seen anything to change my opinion. John Piper has a bit written on this passage at http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Articles/ByDate/1989/1523_The_Misuse_of_Exodus_212225_by_ProChoice_Advocates/
Here’s a part of it:
And when men fight and strike a pregnant woman (‘ishah harah) and her children (yeladeyha) go forth (weyatse’u), and there is no injury, he shall surely be fined as the husband of the woman may put upon him; and he shall give by the judges. But if there is injury, you shall give life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, stripe for stripe.
The key phrase is “and the children go forth.” The RSV (and NASB!) translates this as a miscarriage. The NIV translates it as a premature live birth. In the former case the unborn is not treated with the same rights as the mother, because the miscarriage is not counted as serious loss to be recompensed life for life. In the latter case the unborn is treated the same as the mother because the child is included in the stipulation that if injury comes there shall be life for life. Which of these interpretations is correct?
In favor of the NIV translation are the following arguments:
1. There is a Hebrew verb for miscarry or lose by abortion or be bereaved of the fruit of the womb, namely, shakal. It is used near by in Exodus 23:26, “None shall miscarry (meshakelah) or be barren in your land.” But this word is NOT used here in Exodus 21:22-25.
2. Rather the word for birth here is “go forth” (ytsa’). “And if her children go forth . . .” This verb never refers to a miscarriage or abortion. When it refers to a birth it refers to live children “going forth” or “coming out” from the womb. For example, Genesis 25:25, “And the first came out (wyetse’) red, all of him like a hairy robe; and they called his name Esau.” (See also v. 26 and Genesis 38:28-30.)
So the word for miscarry is not used but a word is used that elsewhere does not mean miscarry but ordinary live birth.
3. There are words in the Old Testament that designate the embryo (golem, Psalm 139:16) or the untimely birth that dies (nephel, Job 3:16; Psalm 58:8; Isaiah 33:3). But these words are not used here.
4. Rather an ordinary word for children is used in Exodus 21:22 (yeladeyha). It regularly refers to children who are born and never to one miscarried. “Yeled only denotes a child, as a fully developed human being, and not the fruit of the womb before it has assumed a human form” (Keil and Delitzsch, Pentateuch, vol. 2, p. 135).
5. Verse 22 says, “[If] her children go forth and there is no injury . . .” It does not say, “[If] her children go forth and there is no further injury . . .” (NASB). The word “further” is NOT in the original text.
The natural way to take this is to say that the child goes forth and there is no injury TO THE CHILD or to the mother. The writer could very easily have inserted the Hebrew lah to specify the woman (“If her children go forth and there is no injury to her . . .”). But it is left general. There is no reason to exclude the children.
Likewise in verse 23 when it says, “But if there was injury . . .” it does not say “to the woman,” as though the child were not in view. Again it is general and most naturally means, “If there was injury (to the child or to the mother).”
April 30th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
I want to thank you for this post. In many ways I found it by accident, but I know that is not the case.
My wife and I have struggled with infertility over the last 8 years of our marriage. I am firmly convinced that this issue has hindered u sin many more ways than we realize. I greatly appreciate your comments about the blessing and cursing of God and the open and barren womb. I still struggle with that as does my wife. It is painful and “theory theology” and pat biblical answers do nothing to address the real problems created in the heart by this issue. Please pray for us and the many couples who struggle with this issue and the many options available to overcome it, including prayer and patience.
April 11th, 2011 at 2:06 am
I was the one who asked this question and really appreciated all the answers! It is definitely a head/heart question.
I would like to say that we adopted a precious child 12/10 and have no longer had the time to ask deep questions…we’re in the deep of parenting! Our son is beautiful and a blessing! We’ve had the opportunity to open up our family to include the birthmom and her family. It has been a great experience. Love and blessings to you all!
Shiann Metheny